Here is the thing with firsts they can be so wonderful. The first time your baby smiles at you. They don't only smile they smile with their whole body, their whole being. It gives you more joy then anyone before. The first time your baby sits, I must admit with my first born this made me cry. Not because of this grand milestone but it meant he was growing up and way too fast. The first time they taste something sweet and you grab your camera or something sour and get that on tape. The first time they let go of your hand and take a few precious steps. Before you know it they are off and running. There are so many wonderful and joyous firsts, they talk about them over and over again in books. The reason being they do make the best memories and just thinking about it for the rest of your life, it makes you smile.
Then there are the firsts no parent looks forward to but we all have to go through it. The first time your child falls, you swear it hurt you more than your child as your child cries for maybe 30 seconds. The first time you see your child bleed, you knew this day would come and you thought there is no way I can handle it. Then it happens and you don't totally freak out. You put on a brave face and look as calm as possible for your child. You both live, it was only a little scratch or a bumped nose in our case. The dreaded skinned knee, okay I haven't had that yet but I know it's coming... YIKES... I also know even though it makes me shutter to think of it I'm sure it will be just like that bump on the nose or those falls that made me go ouch and he just got back up brushed himself off and kept on running.
Then there are the firsts no parent wants to go through and not ever parent does. This blog is for you and me. The first time you say to yourself you have a special needs child. You can't dare say it to anyone else as in your eyes and heart your child is perfect and he is but afraid others won't see his greatness. My second though was ahh hell! we are all special needs. We all have our quirks and we are all special, then I laughed.
The first time you find out how our medical system is broken / not perfect. Being told you have to wait 8 months to see a specialist. Lucky for us someone had canceled an appointment during a snowstorm. I had been calling so often about getting the proper referral to them that they called and offered it to me if I could get there in one hour. No snowstorm was gonna stop this mama from taking a step forward with her son. Don't even get me started on the wait times for therapy! The first time a coach / teacher comes up to you after class and asks you if you know about your son's issues. Wondering if next week will be the first time your son will no longer be welcome to attend this class, as that is where the conversations seem to be heading. The first time you get the results from all the testing, something you have been working so hard and pushing so much for your child. Then on the other hand you don't want it and want to run away because it doesn't matter and it won't change how much you love your baby. It won't change his greatness. Then reason sets in again and you know this will help your child get the therapy and whatever else they may need and you can finally move forward again.
Anyone dealing with these firsts that not everyone goes through. I want to let you know as a friend who had gone through this before me had let me know. "It's okay after the kids have gone to bed to cry in the corner with a bottle of (insert choice of beverage) for a few hours." It's okay to be sad, it's okay to have all sorts of feelings. It's okay to have moments where you don't feel like that strong mama bear after they have gone to sleep. If you are going through this it does help to have someone else that has gone through what you are going through. They know those feelings and they can validate them for you and tell you it's okay and everything will be okay. Someone who you can share your battle stories with, most of us have them and you probably don't even know.
Baby I love you forever no matter what!